By: Maria Andrea C. Fernandez
I recently had the time again to read a book. I went to the bookstore and I told myself, I would look for a book that is very realistic. It will touch on human frailty and the darkness of our being. There should be no distorted truths, but it should focus on life itself. I am fed up with stories that dwell into our fantasies. The stories that are too good to be true. Enough with looking at life through rose-colored glasses. We should now get in touch with our inner demons and madness.
I randomly searched for a book that would please me. I went to the bestsellers category. I found several books written by Paulo Coelho. I was on the right track. Who could go wrong with him? I searched for the title that was most intriguing. I decided to go with the most depressing title. It was “Veronika Decides to Die.” Now this is the title I was looking for! When I read the brief description of the story, I told myself, “This book would satisfy my urge to have some bite of rude reality.”
I must say, I wasn’t disappointed. The story was so real and the author knows the psyche of the main character. The author brilliantly examined the character’s inner demons and discontentment with life. But during the course of the story, there was this search for redemption, and the realization that when your days are numbered, that’s when you learn how to appreciate life.
I quickly correlated it to my own life and I suddenly wondered and asked myself this question. “How many of us take our lives for granted?” When our lives don’t have real direction, we tend to do everything as a routine, and even during our leisure time, it seems that after it is over, we feel a certain emptiness within us. What is missing? How can we be really contented with our lives? I think we need something to compel us to do things with vim and vigor. Perhaps a goal that has a certain deadline? We have to admit, people tend to take their sweet time unless they are working on a deadline. Or maybe, when all else fails, when a loved one has left us, or when we just invested our time and effort on something that failed in the end, that should be the sign that we should focus now on our dear life. The one thing we can control.
We shouldn’t rely on anybody to make us happy, or pray that life would always be a bed of roses. I know that most people become bored with their lives or feel depressed when they suffer a setback. But there is something that we can do to bounce back. We should go out of our comfort zone and take risks. We should be more optimistic about life.
In my case, it seems that in my age, people might be thinking I'm a late bloomer or maybe they were expecting that I should have a conventional life. I should have my own family and kids. Well, we know that it is something that comes along and it is not something to be searched for. Maybe I have taken the road less traveled but it's still a meaningful journey nevertheless. But how do I see myself now? I want to become a complete person. I shouldn’t be pressured with the thought that married persons are the only ones who feel complete. I want to explore different facets of my personality. I want to travel to a far away place, try new things I have never done before. I want to see exotic places, learn a new culture and live in another environment. But of course, marriage would also serve like an icing on the cake.
When I think about my new plans, I get a whole new euphoria and I can’t wait to see how my life will unravel now. I said to myself, it's never too late for me to do things that I was afraid to do before. I want to make a decision that is entirely my own, and not because somebody dictated it. I must admit, I always ask other people for constant reassurance. I was also reluctant to try new things unfamiliar to me. I used to beat up myself for past failures. But now I realized that I shouldn’t wallow in self pity or just sit in one corner and think of life as meaningless. I’m not afraid of failure anymore I just have to do it. I should learn from past failures and see where I have gone wrong, and apply a different strategy to ensure success. A whole new perspective is just what I need.
Just like in the book, Veronika searched for redemption and meaning in her life because she knows her days are numbered. In my case, I ask myself now. “If I won’t do this now, when will I do it? When I’m old and wrinkled? When I have full blown osteoporosis?” So I must do it now. Time is ticking fast.
I learned from the book that it’s never too late for us to turn our life around, even in our darkest moments. We gain our will to live when we are faced with the danger of imminent death, or with the disturbing thought that we wasted a lot of opportunities in life when we almost had it in the palm of our hands. I suddenly have this startling realization, that life is not a choice but a gift.
